John and Julie Gottman have identified four negative styles of communication that, if present in a relationship can predict the ending of that relationship with a 90% accuracy. These negative communication styles each have an antidote that can help a relationship to flourish.

Criticism – in criticism we attack the character of our partner. Accusations such as “you’re lazy”, ‘you’re stupid”, or ‘you’re selfish” are examples of this communication style. The antidote to criticism is to talk about your own subjective needs in ‘I’ statements followed by expressing your needs positively.

Contempt – comes across as superiority and it is often communicated as sarcasm, cynicism, name calling, eye rolling (yes body language really does communicate) and hostile humour. Importantly, contempt is the greatest predictors of relationship failure. The antidote to contempt is learning to treat each other with, and communicate with, respect and to communicate our appreciation to each other.

Defensiveness – is a form of self-protection via ‘playing the victim’, or self-righteous indignation. It’s really just another way of blaming your partner. The answer to defensiveness is to accept responsibility for your part in the conflict.

Stonewalling – results from feeling overwhelmed by the interaction and is based on one person withdrawing from the conversation before anything has been resolved. The antidote for stonewalling is to take a break (for 20-30 minutes or until you no longer feel ‘flooded’ by negative emotion and then return to the conversation.
For more information about these and other important way to bring love, openness, positive communication and success to your relationship check out the following books;

10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage
The Relationship Cure